These credit crunch jokes and funny pictures may seem callous.
However, in times of adversity, humour is the best medicine.
So far Will and Guy's friends who are in most the most dire straights have
laughed the most. It's as though they need something awful, but funny,
to snap them out of their gloom, and spur them into doing something about
their financial predicament.
The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The car's been
repossessed.
Latest news: The Isle of Dogs* Bank has collapsed. They've called in
the retrievers.
How do you define an optimist? A bank manager who irons 5 shirts on
Sunday night.
I went to buy a toaster and it came with a bank.
A man went to his bank manager and said, 'I'd like to start a small
business. How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a
big one and wait.'
What's the difference between an investment banker and a pizza
Margherita? A pizza Margherita can feed a family of five.
A director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of
saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young
executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.
* The Isle of Dogs is part of the East End of London. Think of a
map of the river Thames, the Isle of Dogs is in the biggest loop.
2009 Nobel Prize Winner
Nobel Prize in Economics: The Nobel 2009 goes to Ms Jones for keeping her
savings at home
A fire alarm, in a large office building, rang at 4pm when almost all of
the company's 500 employees were at work. As usual in such circumstances the
entire office was evacuated within 3 minutes and every employee gathered
outside. Nothing happened for ten minutes or so and there was no evidence of
a fire.
Then the firms Security Officer made an announcement:
'Dear employees,
With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you
will be your last fire evacuation drill. Due to the recession the company
are laying off almost fifty percent of staff. When you move back into the
building some of you will discover that your swipe pass card will no longer
give you access to the office. If you are among those laid off, go home and
all your belongings will be couriered to you tomorrow. The management took
this approach to save on overloading the email system with layoff
notifications and goodbye messages and also to avoid any violent outbursts
inside the office. Hope you have a nice career ahead ... please move forward
and try your swipe card.'
A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament after a Parliamentary Enquiry
into Trading Practices by Britain's leading Bank Executives is stuck in
traffic. Several of the former Bank Executives and CEO's have agreed to
return their extravagant Pensions.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "What's the
hold up Officer?" The policeman replies: "The Chief Executive of the U.K.'s
largest Bank has become so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is
threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire because of
the shame of what he has done."
"Myself and all the other motorcade police officers are taking up a
collection because we feel sorry for him."
The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?"
The Officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of officers are still
siphoning."
Footnote: Funny Credit Crunch Jokes kindly sent in by
Neville Cresdee
In early 2008, a Zimbabwe ten million dollar bill was worth less than an
American 'sawbuck' $10
By autumn 2008 you needed 100 billion Zimbabwe dollars to buy three eggs.
The Allure of Gold
On her finger, Sonya, an Economics degree student at
Sussex University, England, wore a large gold ring which she was flashing
all the time. One day she asked her tutor a question.
'What do you think about gold? Will the prices for it drop?'
'No, the prices for gold won't drop until you try to sell this ring to
somebody,' he retorted truthfully.
Because of the ongoing market turmoil several companies are merging in
order to survive
We bring you the results of these mergers:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush,
and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
3M and Goodyear will merge and become: MMMGood
FedEx is expected to join its competitor UPS to become: FedUP
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild
The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys
people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market. -
Jay Leno
The economy is in big trouble. Yesterday in a big speech, President
Bush said the economy was still getting over the hangover from the 90's.
And then, the President admitted, he was still getting over his hangover
from the 80's.—Conan O'Brien
A suited man, an investment banker, is striding along a road in
the countryside and he comes across a shepherd and with his flock of
sheep. Being a gambler, he tells the shepherd, 'I will bet you
$100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in
this flock.'
The shepherd thinks it over, it's a huge flock so he accepts the bet.
'261,' says the banker.
The shepherd is astonished because the figure is exactly correct. He
says, 'OK, I'm a man of my word, take a sheep.' The investment
banker selects one of the animals and begins to walk away.
'Wait,' yells the shepherd, 'Let me have a chance to get even. Double
or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.' The banker agrees
readily.
∞
'You are a government investment banker,' says the shepherd.
'Good grief!' splutters the banker, 'You are exactly right, tell me, how
did you deduce that?'
'Easy,' says the shepherd, 'give me back my sheep dog, and I will
tell you.'
'Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word — Goodbye,' says
Guy.
The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs
If we purchase a computer it will go to India
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
and Guatemala
If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan
If we purchase something useless it will go to Taiwan........whoops,
sorry............................... and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to buy beer and
cigarettes, since these are the only products still produced in the USA.
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