Funny Words

Will and Guy's Funny Words

Probably no other language has as many strange, quirky and funny words as English.  This is good news for those who like a laugh because there are so many possibilities for a joke.

• Quirky Logic
• The problem with speaking English
• More Funny Words
• Words to slip into conversation
• Misnomers

1) Funny English Words with Quirky Logic

• There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger. 
• Have you noticed that there is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
• English muffins weren't invented in England.
• French fries do not originate in France.
• A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
• And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.
• And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
• You cannot buy boots in Boots nor virgins in Virgin. You cannot buy threshers in Threshers and the Superdrug chain is a big disappointment.
• Quicksand only works slowly
• If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
• One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
• If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
• See Examples of Engrish humour

2) The problem with speaking English

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

3) More Funny Words

• There is no parlour in in parlous. (Parlous - dangerous, hazardous)
• Sweetmeats are sweets while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
• When you are incommunicado: you are without the means to communicate.

4) Words to slip into conversation

It's not that these English words are funny, its just that Will and I challenge you to include them in your repertoire and slip them into conversation.

• imbue: to dye; to instill profoundly.
• spoony: foolishly or sentimentally in love.
• visage: the face; also, appearance; aspect.
• sapient: wise; sage; discerning.
• quiddity: the essence or nature of a thing.
• exegete: one who explains or interprets difficult parts of written works.
• sine qua non: an indispensable thing.
• sesquipedalian: (of words) long; having many syllables.
• predilection: an established preference.
• grandee: a man of elevated rank or station; a nobleman.

For example:

It's the quiddity of grandees that they have a predilection to imbue sesquipedalian words. 
We bet that you can do even better.

5) Misnomers

These dozen examples of 'Misnomers' were reported in The Guardian newspaper in February 2006.

These words are both informative and amusing:

1. Arabic numerals originated in India.
2. The Peanut is a legume, [i.e. fruit/vegetable] not a nut.
3.  Tin cans and tin foil are constructed from aluminium, not tin.
4.  Madison Square Garden, USA is not square (nor is it a garden).
5.  Danish pastries were invented in Austria.
6.  Dry cleaning uses a fluid called naphtha.
7.  Pencil lead - pencils use graphite and not lead.
8.  The Koala bear is a marsupial and not a bear.
9.  Panama hats originate from Ecuador, not Panama.
10.  The word Asteroid means ' star-like' and they are small planets.
11.  The Turkey is native to America and is named for its resemblance to a bird native to Africa.
12.  The People's Democratic Republic of Korea. [Think about it; particularly if you live there]

• More of Will and Guy's best clean jokes for February

See more funny English words and phrases

● Home   ● Examples of collective nouns   ● Oxymoron examples   ● Toponymy   ● Neologism

● Funny children's names   ● Funny place names   ● Funny words   ● Illogical English   ● Name and Job

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