Will and Guy's Funny Food Stories

Will and Guy's Funny Food Stories

• Allegedly true food story from the USA
• How do you like your chicken?
• Chicken - or Duck?
• New Curry Menu

Only in America - Allegedly true food story from the USA

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlour with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital:

Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my chequebook right here.

Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don't think so. *Click*

More Funny Food Stories

Trouble Ordering

I've always ordered my soft drinks in a simple way, e.g. 'A Coke, please.'

Lately, though, this hasn't seemed to work. Waitresses now often respond, 'I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, Hartridges, Virgin Cola, Sprite and Red Bull.'

Exhausted by listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar staff at a cinema for a 'dark, cold, carbonated beverage.'

The young man behind the counter smiled and asked, 'Yes sir, and would you like a long, thin, cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?'

Ice cream not smooth enough

Manuel Oliveira owned an ice cream shop in Mérida, Venezuela; and he reported that he sold 567 flavours, including onion, chilli, beer, eggplant [aubergine], smoked trout, spaghetti and parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavours fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn't smooth enough.

And how do you like your chicken?

Victor saw a sign in the window of Barney's Restaurant, Droitwich Spa, UK, that read 'Unusual Breakfast'. Always an adventurous eater, Victor went in and sat down. The waitress brought him his pot of tea and asked him what he wanted to eat.

'What's does your unusual breakfast include?' he asked politely.

'Baked tongue of chicken!' she replied with a grin.

'Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!' Victor cried.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, 'What would you like then?'

'Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs,' Victor replied.

Chicken - or Duck?

Rhoda and Harry go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise.' The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as Rhoda is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband, Harry. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. Harry reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' stammers the waiter, 'what you order?'
Harry replies, 'Chicken Surprise.'

'Ah! So sorry, is mistake' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'

Kindly sent in by Alan Turnham.

New Curry Menu

Will has a particular love of spicy food as his mother came from Sri Lanka [Ceylon] and he lived there in the 1950's; so he was pleased to find this amusing pop chart using well known 'curry' terms. You may be able to add to the list; if so, please contact us.

Pop music: The Curry Charts :

35. Poppadum Preach - Madonna
34. Korma Chameleon - Culture Club
33. Bhaji Trousers - Madness
32. King Prawn Massala Drinks Are Free - Wham
31. Dansak Queen - Abba
30. Korma People - Pulp
29. Tikka Chance On Me - Abba
28. When I Phall in Love - Nat King Cole
27. You Can't Curry Love - Diana Ross and the Supremes
26. Korma Police - Radiohead
25. Things Can Only Get Bhuna - D:Ream
24. Tears On My Pilau - Kylie Minogue
23. It's Bhuna Hard Days Night - The Beatles

22. Brothers in Naans - Dire Straits
21. Girlfriend in a Korma - The Smiths
20. Pilau Talk - Doris Day
19. It's My Chapati and I Cry If I Want To ? - Dave Stewart/Barbara Gaskin
18. I'm a Bhaji Girl - Aqua
17. Sag Aloo - Black Lace
16. Take That and Chapati - Take That
15. Bhuna Round The World and I Can't Find My Bhaji ? - Lisa Stansfield
14. I Don't Want To Dansak - Eddie Grant
13. Dansak on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie
12. We Are Jalfrezi - Sister Sledge
11. Vindaloo - Abba
10. I Don't Want to Go to Chutney ? Elvis Costello
9. Rice Rice Baby - Vanilla Rice
8. Jalfrezi Jalfrezi Nights - Kiss
7. Tandoori Deliver - Adam and the Ants
6. Love me Tandoor - Elvis Presley
5. We Don't Have to Tikka Clothes Off ? Jermaine Jackson
4. Bye Bye Balti - Bay City Rollers
3. Bhuna to be Wild - Steppenwolf
2. Livin' Dhal - Cliff Richard
1. Raita Here, Raita Now - Fatboy Slim

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