Letters to Government Agencies in the USA

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

These examples are taken from letters written to various government agencies in the USA:

1. Dear Sirs,
   Please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October
2. I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?
3. Mrs Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
4. I cannot get sick pay.  I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?
5. I am glad to report that my husband, who was reported missing, is dead.
6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can't do a thing until he knows.
8. I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.
9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.
11. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
12. My husband got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since.
13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?
14. I have no children yet as my husband is a bus driver and works night and day.
15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
16. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn't done me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.

This is allegedly a true story researched by Guy and Will

The name of a two-year-old boy was listed on the country's list of wanted suspects. He was briefly banned from getting on a plane bound for Turkey. The details on the toddler's passport had been the same as those in an arrest warrant, even the date of birth.

'While going through the passport checking procedures to get on board, one of the officers on duty said they wanted to take Suhail,' Emirates Today quoted the boy's father, Abdullah Mohamed Saleh, as saying. 'I thought he was kidding me and said 'Take him if you want'. He showed me a print-out of a document that said Suhail was wanted and there was an arrest warrant for him.'

Officials said they would investigate the cause of the mix-up.

• More clean jokes and funny stories for October

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