Jokes From All Over The World

Jokes From All Over The World  that made Will and Guy Laugh

This page featuring humour from all over the world, fits in with our idea of something for everyone.  In this age of 'Political correctness' at least one person a week writes in with a cheap shot criticising Irish, Women, Polish or Welsh jokes.  Our reply is to include tasteful jokes about each and every group without bias.  Incidentally, the only complaints that we have had from Australians is - 'We want more jokes about Aussies'.

International Humour

This humour comes from a research project on 'funny jokes' conducted by the British Association for the Advancement of Science.

USA:

Texan: 'Where are you from?'
Harvard graduate: 'I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.'

Texan: 'OK, where in California do you come from, Jackass?'

Canada:

You know you're from Canada when ........

1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
4. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
7. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
8. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
9. You find -40C a little chilly.
10. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
11. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
12. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
13. You perk up when you hear theme from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.

Jokes From All Over The World

Australia:

What do you call a woman who can balance 8 beers on her head?
Beatrix.

Europe:

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: 'Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.'

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, 'There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price.'

'But,' the dog replied, 'that would make no sense at all.'

Belgium:

'Well, you see, there are basically three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those that can't.'

France:

'You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you 500 dollars, will you answer two questions?'
'Absolutely! What's the second question?'

Sweden:

'A guy phones the local hospital and yells, 'You've gotta send help! My wife's in labour!'

The nurse says, 'Calm down. Is this her first child?'

He replies, 'No! This is her husband!'

South Africa

Another Collection of Jokes from Around the World

• The French Government announced yesterday that it is imposing a ban on fireworks at Disneyland.  The decision comes after the nightly firework display at the park, located just 50 Km outside of Paris, France caused soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Russian tourists.
• In Los Angeles, a history teacher is in a lot of trouble for encouraging her students to oppose the war with Afghanistan.  The principal was furious and said, 'Telling kids to oppose the war is the French teacher's job.'
• A sign seen in the window of a shop in Enniskillen, County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland. It reads: 'The bargain basement...is on the first floor.'

England:

Stanley decided to lookup his friend Alf, who was a tight-fisted Yorkshireman.  He found Alf at his bungalow in Huddersfield stripping the wallpaper from the dining room.  Rather obviously, he remarked, "You're decorating, I see."  To which Alf replied, "Nay Stanley lad, I'm moving 'ouse to Bradford."

See our selection of funny English jokes

Footnote:
Please send us your jokes from all over the world

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