Funny Pig Stories and Pictures

Funny Pig Stories and Pictures

What is it about pigs that generates so much mirth?  Even when you see live pigs they always seem to be up to mischief, or have just returned from an adventure.

• 'Not Rearing Pigs' Business
• Trivia About Hogs, Pigs and Swine
• Another Funny Pig Story
• Karl Put his Foot in it
• This Little Piggy Went to Market - Classic Nursery Rhyme
• Amusing Pig Pictures

'Not Rearing Pigs' Business - Funny Pigs Story

NIGEL JOHNSON-HILL, PARK FARM, LIPHOOK GU30 7JF

Rt Hon David Milliband MP
Secretary of State,
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
London SW1P 3JR

1st July 2007

Dear Secretary of State Milliband

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would like to join the 'not rearing pigs' business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pig not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there Government or Local Authority courses on this?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100?

I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 Million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all of these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gas?

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

I am also considering the 'not milking cows' business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.

I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

Yours faithfully

Nigel Johnson-Hill

Another Funny Pig Story

How Not to Celebrate a Wedding Anniversary

Old farmer Jethro and his wife Aggie were walking down to their pig-pen when Aggie dropped into the conversation that next month was their golden wedding anniversary.

Aggie continued, 'Let's have a party, Jethro, and invite all our children and grand-children. And why don't we kill one of our prize pigs to celebrate?'

Jethro thought about this and scratched his head and replied. 'Gee, Aggie, I don't see why that pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.'

Karl Put His Foot In It

In a small town just south of Hicksville, seven pig farmers from the surrounding area met to discuss important topics, such as boundaries, the price of feed, and who has the best tractor.  After a while Jessie one of the farmer's wives, interrupted the meeting and spoke about the need to prudent at this time.

When she had finished, Karl one of the old farmers stood up and said, 'What does Jessie know about anything?' I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?'

Quick as a flash, Jessie replied, 'Why, take off your boots Karl, and count them yourself!'

This Little Piggy Went to Market - Classic Nursery Rhyme

Here is simply the most wonderful children's nursery rhyme.  The trick is to tickle the child's toes as you recite the verse:

• This little piggy went to market,
• This little piggy stayed home,
• This little piggy had roast beef,
• This little piggy had none,
• And this little piggy cried,
• 'Wee, wee, wee.'
• All the way home.

The words for 'This little piggy' nursery rhyme are used to point out each one of the child's toes. The last line in 'This little piggy' is used to accompany the child being tickled by the narrator of the poem. This rhyme is extremely popular which ensures that it will be passed from generation to generation.

The first publication date for the words and lyrics for this nursery rhyme was in 1728. 

Will remembers playing 'This Little Piggy Went to Market' with his children when they were young.

Other Pig Stories

Three Little Pigs Story - English Fairy Tale by Joseph Jacobs

Trivia About Hogs, Pigs and Swine

• Scientists believe that pigs are one of the most intelligent animals, ranking close behind apes and dolphins
• China has the world's largest population of domestic pigs
• The average sow gives birth to 8 to 12 pigs at a time
• An average pig eats five pounds of feed each day, or a ton of food every year
• A pig's squeal can be as loud as 115 decibels, 3 decibels higher than the sound of a supersonic airliner
• An average American consumes 51 lbs of pork each year
• Pigs do not have sweat glands and pale pigs risk sunburn, hence they roll in mud to keep themselves cool
• A number of pigs together is called a herd
• A piece of lead used in a ship's ballast is called a hog
• One of the smaller moulds used for casting iron is called a hog
• A curling rock that is not thrown far enough to get over the hog line, is called a hog
• A pig raised for meat is called a hog
• A broom for scraping the underside of a ship is called a hog
• A large railway locomotive is called a hog
• A Harley Davidson motorcycle is called a hog
• In the UK, a sixpenny coin was called a hog
• Pork is the world's most widely-eaten meat
• In Denmark there are twice as many pigs as people
• There are approximately 840 million hogs on farms throughout the world
• On average, pigs live for about 15 years
• The largest pig on record was a Poland-China hog named Big Bill, who weighed 2,552 lbs [1157.4 kg] owned by Burford Butler of Jackson, Tennessee, USA in the year 1933
• Here is the feisty starlet girlfriend of Kermit the Frog from the Muppets - Miss Piggy

Amusing Pig Pictures

Sweet Picture

Piggy Bread - Interesting Idea

Footnote:
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