Police numbers that Will and Guy dial

Police numbers that Will and Guy dial

• Non-Emergency Police Numbers
• True Calls to the Emergency Services
• The World's Smallest Police Station
• Sleeping Policeman
• Alert Policeman in Chariot

Non-Emergency Police Numbers.

Police have launched a non-emergency number - 101 - that you ring instead of 999 [911 in USA] to report the sort of ' low-level' anti-social crimes that are ruining the fabric of society as we know it. 

Here is the full list of new police numbers:

102: You haven't seen the bloke who's just moved in over the road yet and are a bit curious as to who he is.

103: A boy in your child's class looks as though he might grow up to be a wrong 'un.

104: The old couple down the street watch ITV all day.

105: Rubbish from a nearby overflowing bin is strewn across your lawn and the wrappers are not from Waitrose.

106: A girl in your child's class looks as though she might grow up to be a single mother.

107: A man keeps parking a large white van outside your house; you do not mind the van but the man is fat and his trousers do not appear to be tailored.

108: The two young students at No 37 rolled home last night at 1am. They appeared to be laughing; they must be on drugs, or worse, gay.

109: There is a smell of suspiciously spicy food wafting out of The Bloke Who's Just Moved In Over The Road's window.

110: The local shop is allowing more than two schoolchildren in at once.

111: Your next-door neighbour borrowed 10 teabags. She has returned 14, but they're Ty-Phoo and the ones you gave the grasping witch were from Whittards.

112: The Bloke Who's Just Moved In Over The Road is renovating his house and the builders sometimes talk loudly about football at 8.15am.

113: Your postman has dirty fingernails and looks as if he might have once been in prison.

114: You've finally seen the Bloke Who's Just Moved In Over The Road. It's OK, he's white, but you still don't like the cut of his jib. Maybe he's unemployed.

115: Your garden is under constant harassment from birds.

116: Your on-street parking space has an empty beer can in it.

117: Someone pushing a pram hindered your passage along a path.

118: A black man has just walked down the entire length of the street but did not deliver anything, sweep up any litter or . . . oh my God! He's just gone into the end house! Through the front door! With a key!

119: Emergency estate agent

Non-Emergency Police Numbers is a progressive move - and the Guardian has learned that the service (currently on trial in Hampshire but to be rolled out across the country by 2008) is to be expanded to cover a multitude of community complaints.

True Calls to the Emergency Services  [911 in USA and 999 in UK]

Call one - Wrong gear?
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Caller two - Wrong number?
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Caller three - Wrong state?
Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

Caller four - Wrong order?
It may have seemed like an emergency at the time, but an inebriated man from Hebron, Connecticut, USA, is now regretting his call to 911. The 35 year old man was arrested when Police reported that he called 911 numerous times and told the dispatcher he was out of beer and asked them to pick up more for him. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and will appear in court soon.

Caller five - From 4  ridiculous people to 1 remarkable dog
When Leana Beasley of Richland, Washington, USA, fell out of her wheelchair, her service dog, Faith, called 911 by pushing a speed-dial button on Beasley's phone with her nose. Beasley, 45, who suffers from grand mal seizures, had trained Faith, with the help of the Assistance Dog Club of Puget Sound, to call for help in the case of emergencies. The 4-year-old Rottweiler barked into the receiver until the 911 dispatcher sent help. Then she opened the door when the paramedics arrived.

The World's Smallest Police Station

Your phone call will be received here, at the World’s smallest police station; that is, if he is awake..............................

Sleeping Policeman

Alert Policeman in Chariot

No joke - How the police catch villains in Manchester England.

Big Toe particularly useful when dialling 911 - Discover Will and Guy

Northwest Florida Daily News reports that a man who trapped his arm in machinery was able to dial 911 by using his big toe. Unable to use his fingers he manoeuvred himself into a position so that he could ‘phone for help on his mobile [cell phone] using his foot.

Rescuers arrived to find the man who was alone at work and they removed his trapped arm and took him to hospital in Pensacola.

• More clean jokes for June

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