Will and Guy's Rules of Life

Will and Guy's Funny Rules of Life

• Rules of Life
• Rules of the Stock market Life
• Funny Rules of Life

Rules of Life

• I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
• Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious, wear a white coat and carry a clipboard.
• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
• I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
• My reality check bounced.
• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
• I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
• Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

Rules of the Stock market Life

The stock market, be it on Wall Street or the Stock Exchange is always in the news. We think you may like to see these 'headlines' on the stock market news:

• Pencils lost a few points
• Elevators rose
• Mining equipment hit rock bottom
• Helium was up
• Beef steered into a bull market
• Paper was stationary
• Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading
• Weights were up in heavy trading
• Feathers were down
• Light switches were off
• Shipping lines stayed at an even keel
• The market for raisins dried up
• Balloon prices were inflated
• Kleenex tissue touched a new bottom
• Knives were up sharply
• Sun stocks peaked at midday
• Diapers [Nappies] remain unchanged.

Funny Rules of Life

• A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
• Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
• After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
• Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
• People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't .
• If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
• When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
• When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, 'How would the Lone Ranger handle this?'

Footnote:
Please send us your funny rules of life

• More clean and funny jokes for April

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