Silly Puns That Make Will and Guy Laugh

Silly Puns That Make Will and Guy Laugh

• Silly Puns
• A Multi-lingual Slant On Silly Puns
• Cannibal Follow-up
• Ways to maintain your insanity

1. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
   One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
   The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
3. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
   Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that:
   
   You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
6. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.  The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
7. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
8. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
9. A jump-start cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.
10. 'Doc, I can't stop singing' The Green, Green Grass of Home'.  'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' Is it common? 'Well, It's Not Unusual'.
11. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
    Daisy says to Ermentrude, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' I don't believe you', says Ermentrude.
    
    'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
12. The invisible man marries the invisible woman.  The kids were nothing to look at either.
13. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
15. 'Deja Moo': The feeling that You've heard this bull before.

A Multi-lingual Slant On Silly Puns

These puns are from a New York magazine competition where competitors were asked to change one letter in a familiar non-English phrase and redefine it. These multi-lingual puns were created by Michael A. Alderete:

• Harlez-vous francais?  .....  Can you drive a French motorcycle?
• Rigor morris .....  The cat is dead.
• Repondez s'il vous plaid .....  Honk if you're Scots.
• Que sera serf .....  Life is feudal.
• Monage a trois .....  I am three years old.
• Cogito eggo sum .....  I think; therefore, I am a waffle.
• Haste cuisine .....  Fast French food.
• Idios amigos .....  We're wild and crazy guys.
• Le roi est mort. Jive le roi .....  The king is dead. No kidding.
• Posh mortem .....  Death styles of the rich and famous.
• Pro bozo publico .....  Support your local clown.
• Visa la france  .....  Don't leave chateau without it.
• Veni, vidi, vice .....  I came, I saw, I partied.

Please send us your silly puns

Cannibal Follow-up

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity.

'You are all part of our team now', said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. 'You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but don't eat any employees.' The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later the cannibal chief remarked, 'You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?' The cannibals all shook their heads. 'No.' After the boss had left, the chief of the cannibals said to the others, 'Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?'

A hand rose hesitantly. 'You fool!' the leader raged. 'For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something.............

Will and Guy's recommendations on further ways to maintain your insanity:

• Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
• Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'In box'.
• Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
• Don't use any punctuation.
• Specify that your Drive-through Order is 'To Go'.
• Go to a Poetry Recital and then ask why the poems don't rhyme?
• Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'

Footnote:
Please send us your silly puns.

See more silly jokes and pictures:

● Silly funny jokes   ● Put downs    ● Cheesy jokes   ● Funny potato jokes   ● Funny office disasters

● Silly signs   ● Corny pictures   ● Payback   ● Anger   ● Daft signs   ● Funny stones   ● Late for work

● Silly puns   ● Stupid things to do   ● Stress management   ● Shocking bills   ● Sleepy   ● Home