People Say the Strangest Things

People Say the Strangest Things:

These phrases were culled from the small ad columns of local newspapers in the UK and the USA.  Hidden message, when you think You've finished with your paper, check the small ads.

• Semi-annual after-Christmas sale.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $10.00.
• Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
• Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
• Tattoos done while you wait.
• Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
• For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
• Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• Wanted: Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.
• Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
• No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
• Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?

More Strange Things People Say

• A person should bathe once in summer but not so often in winter.
• Chemical Formula of Water has two gins - Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin while Hydrogin is gin and water.
• Definition of Census taker - a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
• Definition of Syntax - Tax paid by the sinners at the church.
• Definition of Virgin Forest - It is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
• Future tense of 'I give' - 'I take'.
• Houses in France are generally made up of Plaster of Paris.
• Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
• Parts of Speech - Lungs and air.
• Spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
• The word 'trousers' is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
• What is H2O and CO2? - H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
• What the residents of Moscow are called? - Mosquitoes.
• Is it because light travels faster than sound that some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• It's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow. How cold will it be?
• Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
• Why do banks charge you an 'insufficient funds' fee on money they already know you don't have?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
• Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

More clean and funny jokes for July

See more jokes and funny pictures for July

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