Funny Thoughts to Ponder

Will and Guy's Humour -  Funny Thoughts, Ideas to Ponder

Here is food for those contemplative moments when you think about the meaning of life or you just want to ponder on a funny thought.

• The Eternal Question - Why?
• More Funny Thoughts To Conjure with
• Crazy Laws - Give Us Thoughts to Ponder

1) The Eternal Question - Why?

• Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
• Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
• Why don't we ever see this headline:
  Psychic Wins Lottery ?
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'Broker' ?
• Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?
• Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
• Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• Why do they call the airport ' the terminal' if flying is so safe?

Guy's Tip:

Did you know that if ask anyone from a Professor to a politician 'Why' , three times in a row, you can reduce them to a gibbering idiot.  Incidentally, the three ' Why' trick is one that I learnt from watching my 7 year old nephew question his mother.

Nietzsche Says:

A thinker sees his own actions as experiments. For him, questions are merely attempts to find out something.  Success and failure are for him answers above all.

2) More Funny Thoughts To Conjure with:

• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack, anyway?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
• Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts, 'and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
• When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
• Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
• Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
• 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Think about it.
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as  '4's' ?
• Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

3) Crazy Laws - Give Us Thoughts to Ponder

Will and Guy have researched some absolutely crazy laws which have never been repealed and therefore probably still apply in their respective countries:

• It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament
• It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen's image upside-down
• It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store
• Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned in Britain
• The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen
• If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and needs the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter
• In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet
• It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing
• It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour
• In Trinity College students can demand a glass of wine at any time during an exam, provided they are wearing their sword
• It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow
• In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day
• In England it is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises [pubs, clubs and bars, restaurants]
• In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague
• It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses
• In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed
• In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk
• In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon
• Also in France it is illegal to kiss on railways in France
• Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London
• In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad
• In Scotland it is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow
• In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth
• In Massachusetts Christmas was outlawed in 1659
• In New Hampshire it is against the law to tap your feet, nod your head or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant or cafe
• In Oklahoma criminals can be fined, arrested or jailed for making faces at a dog
• In Germany it is illegal to wear a mask
• It is illegal for a student to walk through Trinity College, Dublin, Ireland, without a sword
• In Antwerp, Belgium, it is illegal to wear a red hat and walk down the main street
• In Israel picking your nose on Saturday is forbidden
• In Singapore failure to flush a public toilet after use may result in a very large fine
• In Australia it is illegal to dress up as batman

There are most be more hilarious laws; please send us any which you find particularly ridiculous and amusing.

• More of Will and Guy's best clean jokes for February

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