All Tickets Please!

Will and Guy's Humour - Strange But True Stories

• All Tickets Please!
• Proposed Paris to Brighton Express Train
• The Parking Ticket
• More clean jokes for January

All Tickets Please!

It's the third week in January, three engineers and three accountants are travelling by train to a conference in Brighton. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

'How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?' asks an accountant. 'Watch and you'll see', answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'All tickets please.'

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.  When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed accountant.' Watch and you'll see, 'answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a toilet and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, 'All tickets please.'

Proposed Paris to Brighton Express Train

The Parking Ticket

Mark went to the shops the other day, and he was only in there for only about five minutes. When he came out there was a traffic warden writing out a parking ticket for parking on a double yellow line.

Mark approached him and said conversationally, 'Aw, come on, mate, how about giving a feller a break?'

The warden concentrated furiously on writing out the ticket and completely ignored Mark's plea. Mark, rather angry at being so openly ignored, called the warden 'a pencil-necked Nazi.'

The warden glared at Mark and started writing another ticket, this time for having bald tyres. Mark called him another even ruder name. The traffic warden finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen alongside the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 10 minutes.

The more Mark abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Mark did not care one iota; his car was parked around the corner.

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