A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back!
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if
you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so
they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and
a shot of tequila (Diet Coke).
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people
have more than one child?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Have a great
day or pretend to!
Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech, which little known by the general
public, but is well understood by satirsts. The key feature is that the final words make the listener
reinterpret the first part of the sentence.
Paraprosdokian Examples - Just Quirky English Logic
Have you noticed that
there is neither apple nor
pine in pineapple.
And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't
Quicksand only works slowly.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth beeth?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?